Photographic Truths

just because this makes me laugh; one of our instructors gave it to us last year and it lives on the front of my binder now to cheer me up when I'm studying boring things like literary thoery.

Photographic Truths

*Being a Sampler of Morals, Axioms, & Precepts To Which Every Photographer Should Expose Himself*

~~The best scenic turnouts are clearly designated by highway signs reading No Stopping Anytime

~~Edward Steichen owned a 3-legged dog, who he named Tripod

~~The post office folds all parcels containing photographs

~~Camera straps never fail above soft surfaces

~~Lens caps and cable releases can become invisible at will

~~Dense negatives sink

~~Shutterbugs result from cross-breeding silverfish with flashbulbs

~~Spotone bottles are designed to tip over when the cap is removed

~~Photographers fade faster than photographs

~~Financial success in photography is directly related to proper choice of subject matter. Falling airplanes, exploding volcanoes, and certain presidential motorcades work best.

~~No two lightmeters agree

~~The word "Daguerreotype" cannot be spelled correctly

~~A new hasselblad would take better pictures than your current camera

~~1/60 at f/8 is the correct exposure for all photographs

~~When your friends finally realize that you are a true artist, committed to making sensitive and meaningful images, they will ask you to photograph their wedding

~~The most difficult problem encountered in designing the Polaroid sx-70 camera was not to get it to regurgitate a picture instantly, but to get it to make the appropriate sound--Bleaaagh!--while doing so

~~Colour slide viewing cures insomnia

~~On any tripod, only two legs work properly

~~Dust spots are attracted ot sky areas

~~Popular Photography is to photography what The Sound of Music is to Music

~~All B&White pictures eventually fade into full colour (?? ok, I admit, I don't get this one)

~~Yes, photographers Do It In The Dark...but they have to stop every 30 seconds to agitate the developer

~~Distant objects cannot be recorded with short exposures--light travels only 186 miles in 1/1000 of a second

~~Followers of Minor White are known as minor Whites

~~There's nothing worng with a 35mm camera that a 4x5 can't cure

~~Ansel Adams has threee Secret Zones know only to him!

~~Mountboard becomes stiffer by plying with itself

~~When Man creates a sharper lens, nature will create a fuzzier subject

~~Safelight aren't. Available light won't be. On the other hand gadget bags are

~~Fast films conpensate for slow photographers

~~When the price of silver hits $76/oz, all photographs will be melted down for their silver content

~~Owning more than one lens assures that your will always have the wrong lens on the camera for any given picture

~~Mounting a photograph is a misdemeanor in Arkansas

~~A butter knife is a useful tool for making minor adjustments to cameras that a camera store would charge $10 to make

~~A camera store will charge $75 to repair a camera that has been adjusted with a butter knife

~~Short exposures my cause reciprocity success

~~Falling lenses are attracted to rocks ~~Into ever life a little grain myst fall

~~Sharper lenses won't help--realism is unrelated to reality

~~Expose for the secrets, develope for the surprises!

AND REMEMBER: silver salts are sensitive to thought.